Stop Fixing, Start Healing: Why Turning Inward Changes Everything
- Sep 22
- 3 min read
Have you ever caught yourself trying to hold everything together—making sure the house looks perfect, smoothing over family conflicts, or stepping in to “help” someone you love, even when they didn’t ask?
Maybe, like me, you’ve believed at some point that your happiness depends on someone else being okay—especially when it comes to a loved one struggling with addiction.
These patterns can look like care and responsibility on the outside. But underneath, they’re often sneaky forms of codependency, perfectionism, and control. They exhaust us, leave us resentful, and most importantly, they keep us from the very healing we’re longing for.
In Soul Recovery, we learn a radical truth: we are powerless over others—but never powerless within ourselves. That means peace and clarity aren’t found by fixing or controlling the world around us. They’re found when we turn our attention inward.
Why Turning Within Is the Key to Healing
When life feels overwhelming, our instinct is to grab tighter. We want solutions, answers, and certainty. But control is an illusion. The harder we try to fix, the more disconnected we become from our own well-being.
Turning within is not denial or weakness. It’s a spiritual practice of shifting from fear to love. Instead of managing everyone else’s choices, we learn to ask:
What is happening in me right now?
What old belief or fear is being triggered?
What do I need to feel safe, grounded, and whole in this moment?
This inward turn is where transformation begins.
Action Steps from the 9-Step Soul Recovery Process
If you’re ready to start loosening the grip of codependency and control, here are a few practices from the 9-Step Soul Recovery Process you can begin using today:
Step 1 – Ready for Awakening Notice when perfectionism or fixing shows up. Instead of judging yourself, pause and say: This is my old pattern trying to keep me safe. Awareness is the first step to change.
Step 2 – Release Control Write down a situation in your life you cannot control (maybe a loved one’s choices, or the state of the world). Then write: I am powerless over this, and I hand it back to Spirit.
Step 3 – Discover Unhealthy Patterns Ask yourself: What do I believe will happen if I don’t fix this? Often the answer reveals a deeper fear—like not being enough, not being loved, or not being safe. Seeing it clearly is healing in itself.
Step 6 – Embrace New Beliefs Replace perfectionism with a new affirmation: I am enough, even when life is messy. Others are whole, and it is not my job to fix them.
Step 8 – Deepen Your Practice When you feel the urge to control, try this breath prayer: Breathe in—“I trust love.” Breathe out—“I release control.” Repeat until you feel your body soften.
From Fixing to Freedom
For years, I believed I was only as happy as my least happy child. It was heartbreaking to watch my son struggle with addiction, and I exhausted myself trying to manage his journey. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t make him happy or sober. That was his path to walk.
What I could do—and what changed everything—was to focus on my own healing. When I let go of fixing, I found the freedom to love him unconditionally without carrying the weight of his choices. That’s the power of turning within.
Listen & Go Deeper
If you’re tired of chasing control, if perfectionism or people-pleasing have left you drained, or if you’re carrying the pain of a loved one’s addiction, this episode will speak to you.
🎧 You Can't Control Them- Here's what You Can Do: The Inner Path to Peace on Spotify, Apple Podcast or your favorite platform—and discover how Soul Recovery can help you reclaim your power, your peace, and your authentic self.
✨ This post was created with the loving assistance of AI, using my own transcripts, teachings, and reflections from the Recover Your Soul Podcast. My intention is always to offer words that inspire, heal, and remind you of your wholeness. Thank you for being part of this Soul Recovery journey with me. ✨
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