Reciprocity and the Seemingly Inanimate

For six years, Owen and I were married.

I truly wish I could say they were the happiest six years of my life, sadly though, they were not. Those six years were more like a banshee scream on steroids. Okay, so I exaggerate a bit, but you get the gist; serenity was an induced state of consciousness, at least on my part.

I also wish I could point a finger of blame in his direction without noticing the three fingers pointing back at me; a flimsy camouflage for the banshee screaming her insanity. Who was to blame? No one really. Together our intended desires for marital bliss held us captive; unfortunately, those desires were no match for our untended wounds. So it goes.

There was one thing that ‘O’ and I did really well together though; we created a beautiful Home. It was a sanctuary that held our laughter, soothed our cries, filled our hearts and fed our souls – when we could not. It was a small place at just 1,300 square feet with two stories. The basement had a dirt floor while the attic had the scent of old squirrel piss and pot. It was one room thick, as was the way with 150-year-old farmhouses, in eastern Pennsylvania. I loved our Crown Jewel, as did ‘O’. It was funky, and we liked funky.

During the refurbishing, we had to tear down 1/3 of the structure due to the faulty renovations of the previous owner who had a mind to do a quick turn of the house for profit. We won that lawsuit. Initially, the contractors wanted to tear down 2/3’s of the house, however, when they saw me uncontrollably sobbing in the yard they engineered their magic, thus the first of my tears, in the “blood, sweat and tears” requirement for household renovations, were a big success. Lol!! I’d use tears a lot, in six years of marriage, to achieve whatever ….. usually tenderness. Not sure I’d call that a success, just handy.

Fu-ki-g A, what a goddamn riot.

After a year or so of construction, our Home was ready for us. ‘O’ had been our architect, so Crown Jewel fit like a glove and a well-worn hat. Gosh, just thinking about her still lights me up and brings a huge smile to me face. She had the understated brilliance of Miele appliances, Italian tile and marmoleum coupled with antiquated leaden windows and pinewood floorboards, some of which were at least a foot wide. For the first time in our lives, ‘O’ and I really felt at home. Regardless of our dynamics, we loved our sanctuary (and actually, we loved each other too). It was beautiful, cozy and welcoming. And did we take pride in welcoming our guests!

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Being terribly distraught, I left Crown Jewel before the divorce was settled; we were both weary and needed space. When it came time to put our Beloved Home on the market an open house was held for all the realtors in that particular market to come see the Beauty we had created. One of the realtors present for this event made the comment to our realtor, “Wow! This home was truly loved.” Indeed, she was.

There are a few places/homes that have held me like a kind and gentle mother. These are the places I have loved alive – symbiotic and wholehearted love expressed between the animate and seemingly inanimate. Together, Human and Home have revelled in Beauty, welcomed guests, and steadied one another through our forward journey. Mr. Griffy (my feline friend) has always felt safe, I have been contented and Home has been a warm embrace for all who have entered.

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It felt important to share this; to get my heart’s desire out into the world; to include whomever might read this, as I open to Great Spirit, yet again, in my current quest to find Home. I believe it is good to have many eyes and ears engaged in this – a new Homecoming.

Peace, Love and tie dye,

Muah!